hilarious!!! LMAO

Element: Man
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 60Kg, known to vary from 50 to 300 Kg
Symbol: EGO
Discoverer: Eve.
Occurance: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated
deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles
bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location
where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

Physical Properties:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common
Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only
when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

Chemical Properties:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.

Tests:

1. Specimen often becomes confused when used in a raw, natural state; it's nature changes
2. Turns green when placed beside a larger specimen

Hazards:

1. Migrates in groups of similar species; generally congregating in frenzied packs around sporting events
2. Highly dangerous, even in experienced hands
3. Use extreme care if experiments are to succeed
4. While in possession of one specimen, it is highly unwise to attempt to obtain another
5. If specimen begins to boast, leave immediately
6. Appropriate protective attire is required to complete satisfactory conclusions