this is Kenneth,

reporting live from macdonalds, where an ah tiong has turned the place into a call centre..




fully equipped with webcam and headphone with mic and as usual, speaking very loudly.. hilarious..


with the recent infestations in nus and the heartlands, here's a few pointers by Kenneth as to how you can, as a local chinese, differentiate yourself from them..


1) Create a Sense of Identity

Start by wearing SAF issued New Balance/Brooks shoes. These shoes are obviously not available to them and having many locals wearing the shoes might intimidate them and might forge a sense of camaraderie..

Start today by wearing a pair of SAF issued NB/Brooks shoes.. not only are they free and comfortable, they identity you as a non-ah-tiong...

2) Watch how you Speak

Everytime you decide to speak at the top of your voice, STOP. THINK. Do you want to be mistaken as a non-local Chinese?

Its their trademark! if case u haven noticed...

So, no shouting.. speak audibly but no shouting..

simple ya? and to add, you might want to consider using English.. properly spoken singaporean english..


3) Wear Swoosh ticks, not Wavy ticks






The picture says a thousand words.. need i elaborate more?

The latter is a sure-fire way to get mistaken as a tiong.. be very careful..

4) Campaign for Tibet

As you know, no tiong would support Tibet.. a result of successful propaganda by the politburo..


ok la.. haha.. v racist.. apologies to any1 i offend.. lol... kidding only..


but still.... u really cant help but notice that this second significant wave of migrants from china in the past 1-2 years are really getting very serious..

they're everywhere.. on mrts, buses, etc etc etc.. speaking at the top of their larynx...

i dun think our grandparents created so much problems.. haha..


who knows if soon we will be like tibet and taiwan.. oh no...!