sexist jokes.. some damn funny..

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to
interrupt her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost
impossible.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.

HE: I think I could make you very happy

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?

SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?

SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman "It's in the phone book."

Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone."

Man "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman "Yes, but would you stay there?

What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, F!@#, Etc."


Top reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.


#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun. LOL...


Understanding a Woman
We need REALLY MEANS I want
It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.
We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain
Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to
You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me
Yes REALLY MEANS No
No REALLY MEANS No
Maybe REALLY MEANS No
Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you're not going to like.
Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It's easy to fix, so get used to it.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good looking?
A:Because those men already have boyfriends.