sometimes it really amazes myself how i manage to come up with such ingenious ideas...


ok so u know how some parents are always unwilling to get new clothes for their children.. (except maybe CNY for some?)


the solution is actually so simple.. jus eat more and gain weight.. genius rite?

oh my god.. when kids gain weight, obviously they need larger clothes rite?



on the other hand, losing weight might help too.. though its obviously tougher and sometimes the parents still refuse to get new clothes..

thats y u see some punks (esp in america) wearing oversized baggy clothes.. they've clearly lost a lot of weight and should be respected..



that's all folks..


now let me go think of how teens can get new toys.. i'm thinking along the line of mercury and lead caused by goons n thugs..


get it? good.. no? too bad..

I present to you,

Free Listerine.

https://secure.jjaspac.com/SG_Listerine/registration.aspx


enjoy cavity free buccal cavity...

Sorry no pictures.

Anyway you remember a previous post where i commented on how some girls run in a funny way? Wait till you see wat i saw yesterday.

this girl was running to catch a bus, and instead of palms facing out, her toes were pointing at bearing 45 and 315 while she ran.

absolutely hilarious..


relate another incident. I hate it when tiongs conveniently treat busstops as Kbox. Really. this guy was belting out unknown song while waiting for the bus ytd. VERY IRRITATING. esp since his singing sucks.


I also bloody hate it when elderly uncles n aunties conspire to collect like 4, 5 sets of Today and Mypaper... they'll take, den put it in their bags, den take again and repeat repeat repeat...

wat? are they going to use if as toilet paper? seriously la.. some dun even read english.. take Today for wat? use as wallpaper at home? i'm so pissed..

today i couldnt collect Today because of these idiots.. the guy in front took the last 1.. if the idiots had not taken more than 1 copy each, I WOULD GET MY COPY... damn..

i'm going to be really bored at work today..



more serious note, ytd i saw this motorcyclist lying face flat on the ground with his helmet on.. and his bike toppled on the floor behind him.. TPJC junction...

motionless..

anyway i was rushing to tuition and contemplated helping.. then i decided not to.. i dun know wats the guy's condition but someone from the bus told the driver tat she knew 1st aid and alighted to assist..

thing is, a doctor once said that we're not obliged to help when we witness an accident if we dun have the protective gear and tools.. e.g. gloves, pocket mask..

who knows what possible viruses/diseases we might contact.. HIV stinks..


i guess unless i know the person, or if i'm back in reservist, the most i'll do is call an ambulance.. speaking of which, i saw 1 approaching from the opposite direction when the bus was nearing the petrol station..

hope the guy is fine?

Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE?

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


Question : Why doesnt the Government allow a man to marry more than 1 women?

Answer : Because the Constitution states that you cannot be punished more than once for the same mistake.

Its official.

This customer, a member, called to ask how she can sign up at member rate and authorise her mum to go for the class. Because her mum isnt a member and therefore cannot enjoy the rate if she registered in the mum's name.

Outstanding.


Then another dumb guy, called to ask to be put on the waiting list of a course that I repeatedly told him had already begun n ended. Refused to listen that the course does not exist anymore.

Fantastic.


Well done dumb people. Keep the calls coming in. I am getting so amused.

dun they jus brighten up our day? rmb jun yuan n cheryl? there's one in my offfiiiiccceeee.

allow me to illustrate.

let's call him weirdo.

weirdo pulls up his long pants in office everyday. i swear its damn gay. i would really like to show u a picture of it but unfortunately my phone was sent for servicing and i also dun 1 2 overdo things.


ok not only that, he's always displaying, through actions, that he is feeling really cold.


in fact, because of his compulsive tendency to adjust the temperature, we now have a rule that dictates that the temperature must remain at 22 degree celcius, regardless of whether its snowing or if the there's a forest fire outside.


to add, whenever he answers the phone, he automatically cups the receiver end using the other palm, afraid that we will by any chance get to hear his sexy voice.



back to today. i entered the toilet to notice him about 30 cm in front of the urinal. he looked like he was meditating peacefully. initially it didnt even occur to me that he was in fact, urinating.

in my 20 years, i have never come across something as wacky as this.

ok anw as physics students, (or as some1 with common sense), we know that with pressure, urine can travel. obviously as his reservior got depleted, the distance attained naturally declined exponentially.

this obviously resulted him the floor being decorated with shiny drops of urine. very disturbing huh? tell me about it.


wait. thats not the best part.

hang on.



and he ran. he ran to wash his hands and he ran out of the toilet. for watsoever reason i have no idea.

as i exited, i saw him walking slowly away from the toilet towards the direction of the office.



and thus i conclude that today, on the 23rd of april 2008, i came across the weirdest person ever.


u have a nice day!

insist that we dun guess because as science students, we reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation...


sure to piss them off...

try it out =)

That my blog's song has been replaced.


Change has been long due and I apologise to my loyal readers for the delay it took.


It was an honest mistake. Let's get on with life ok? Cheers =)


I like the new song. Duh rite? Lyrics can obviously be obtained from your best friend. Thus, I shall not be pasting it.


Apologies to those who are strongly against the Big Bang theory.

... for our highly efficient leaders to inform us that the reason for the escape is due to....

-ungrilled windows
-unsupervised toilet visit
-poorly secured fence

Tom, dick or harry would have told me tat in a matter of days..

oh snap! i jus realised kan seng isnt called tom, dick or harry..


hell for 2 months i was expecting better.. least of all it should have been creative...


given 2 months, i can come out with a story much more entertaining...


it would have included details like how he managed to obtain a can of red bull from a pixie..

den he would have drunk the red bull and as per the slogan "red bull gives you wings!", sprouted wings and flew away..

next the air force would scramble some planes to hunt him down and blah blah.. they would get involved in a dog fight and the terrorist would be firing candy floss at the planes so that their vision were impeded..



but i'm sorry... no such story... only 1 simple line from our highly paid leaders..

It Was An Honest Mistake


now tat solves matters.... thats y we pay them so highly see?

it aptly describes the political landscape in the place we call home..


and i quote

"we live in a country where no one likes the govt, but yet everyone votes for them"


ah... how true... the paradoxes of life.. enjoy them..





*and yes i know technically speaking not every1 voted to Pay And Pay but... u get my point.

what is green, has 4 legs and will kill you if it drops on you from a tree?

































pool table.. lame rite? i told u so...

reporting live from macdonalds, where an ah tiong has turned the place into a call centre..




fully equipped with webcam and headphone with mic and as usual, speaking very loudly.. hilarious..


with the recent infestations in nus and the heartlands, here's a few pointers by Kenneth as to how you can, as a local chinese, differentiate yourself from them..


1) Create a Sense of Identity

Start by wearing SAF issued New Balance/Brooks shoes. These shoes are obviously not available to them and having many locals wearing the shoes might intimidate them and might forge a sense of camaraderie..

Start today by wearing a pair of SAF issued NB/Brooks shoes.. not only are they free and comfortable, they identity you as a non-ah-tiong...

2) Watch how you Speak

Everytime you decide to speak at the top of your voice, STOP. THINK. Do you want to be mistaken as a non-local Chinese?

Its their trademark! if case u haven noticed...

So, no shouting.. speak audibly but no shouting..

simple ya? and to add, you might want to consider using English.. properly spoken singaporean english..


3) Wear Swoosh ticks, not Wavy ticks






The picture says a thousand words.. need i elaborate more?

The latter is a sure-fire way to get mistaken as a tiong.. be very careful..

4) Campaign for Tibet

As you know, no tiong would support Tibet.. a result of successful propaganda by the politburo..


ok la.. haha.. v racist.. apologies to any1 i offend.. lol... kidding only..


but still.... u really cant help but notice that this second significant wave of migrants from china in the past 1-2 years are really getting very serious..

they're everywhere.. on mrts, buses, etc etc etc.. speaking at the top of their larynx...

i dun think our grandparents created so much problems.. haha..


who knows if soon we will be like tibet and taiwan.. oh no...!

i jus saw this TP994 honda bike (traffic police) make an illegal u-turn downstairs..

i'm deeming it illegal bcuz last i checked, u-turns are only legal if there's a u-turn sign..

please correct me if i'm wrong..


well, there u have it.. double standards.. talk about enforcing traffic rules uh... tell me about it...

no wonder erp gantries are popping up everywhere.. our enforcers are inefficient thus our roads are congested..


den to SAF.. where discipline is paramount.. or so they say..

and they also say that vulgarities are not allowed bcuz of obvious reasons...

but who heeds tat rule anyway? at least not the instructors in tekong.. one of them even said (or rather. threatened) that if we made a fuss of it, they'll intentionally ensure tat they'll enforce even harsher discipline..

that's wat i call setting a good example.


1 more.. bear w me..

try sending a complaint letter to the minister of defence and chief of defence force..

let's see if u get a warning or a free ride to kranji and a free hairshave..




okok.. in any case.. i'm jus whining... blah blah.. life is so unfair.. blah blah blah..

who doesnt? wendy cheng whines about how mac users hate her and how the iphone is long nails-unfriendly.. kuan yew whines about separation and also not approving f1 earlier.. kennysia whines about jackie chan promoting sanitary pads.. hsien loong whines about how tough it is to find someone to carry on the legacy 2 elections from now.. he says it like he's so sure everyone will vote for Higher Ministers Salaries, More ERP, More Inflation and More Gst..

if u dun like it, so be it.. jus too bad that you're sick of ur no-more-things-to-whine-about life that you go reading blogs..

isnt tat wat blogs are for?

i mean, when u're sick of whining in ur own blog (or to whoever u think cares; actually, most of them dun), you jus go around reading others', seeing whose blog is more whiny, and so u can laugh at her/him for being more whiny..

well.. i could call it the chain/circle of whining... but that would be too corny.. (if u get wat i mean, good.. otherwise, u could try to watch the latest episode of how i met your mother)...


ok back to the whining part..

well this is my blog, so i can whine all i want.. there's nothing u can do about it bcuz its MINE.. and since its MINE, i can do all i want with it.. i can whine, or whine, or WHINE... the only way to stop me from whining is if this blog ceases to be mine.. well that would happen only if i give you my password and allow you to change it.. but since it is mine, i really see no reason for me to do so.. doing so would actually cause me to lose an outlet for whining and in fact result in me having 1 more thing to whine about (having no outlet to whine).. so i really dun think that i would give you this blog as it really is mine.. so yea... jus too bad.. anyway, if u're still reading the paragraph, congrats... u jus wasted ___ (insert a number based on how lousy a reader you are) seconds of ur life reading utter nonsense and crap...

in any case, Mine, whine.. rhymes huh.. lol..

analyse the ad below.. Out Of The World. Wacky!

Any NUS FEMALE student need packet money S$200/- per month - Erm pause a while. Packet money? wat? buy packet lunch?

Ad ID: 45214220
Views: 122
Location: Singapore
Date Listed: 09/04/2008

I'm doing Master's in NUS on part-time basis. Any NUS FEMALE student who is in short of packet money, in the age group of 18-30 who is doing full-time or part-time program, interested in "no-string-attached" discreet and confidential relationship for monthly once can contact me. I'm ready to pay SGD$200/- per month till you complete your graduation. I'm doing this for the first time hence cleanliness is assured and expecting the same.

As prostitutes can fake as students, I'll be checking for NUS IDs to verify in the NUS library.

Please don't reply me with one line adv. This is a genuine adv.

http://singapore.gumtree.sg/c-Friends-Dating-casual-relationships-Any-NUS-FEMALE-student-need-packet-money-S-200-per-month-W0QQAdIdZ45214220



either nus female students are really cheap n hard up, or the MASTERS student is living in the 1960s where $200 is so BIG!

i cannot believe it.. is he going to set up a booth at central library for matri cards inspection? lol.. like tats going to be REAL discreet..


seriously.. i'm not even an undergrad and i can get $200 from 8hrs of tuition.. who's Mr. Masters trying to kid?



oh digressing, an equally not-so-intelligent SPH reporter saw someone post the ad in a forum for others to see, and actually tot that the forumer was the Masters student...

guess wat? he quoted the whole thing and pasted it in Xin Ming.. lol.. defamation lawsuit looks imminent. PWNED.

i swear its retarded and spastic..

chanced upon one this morning..


enlighten me, why must some (not the 1st time I noticed) of them run with their palms facing the floor, and their fingers pointing to the side?


is it some centre of gravity related matter? because if it is, i apologise for my insensitivity..

otherwise, what the hell? cant you run properly?

Are you guilty of it too?


i would really like to include a picture to speak the remaining 800+ words on my behalf but the com at work kinda has a problem with blogger and i'm lazy to use html and < img src...


Pardon me.

Luckily they got their bed for only $So Damn Cheap..


Check out the novel way these people have come up with to beat the rising living cost (apart from shopping at Courts):

1) Sleep on the Pan Island Expressway



Cost: Free of charge.



2) Sleep on the new WAB buses.




Cost: $0.45


hmmmm... speaking of inflation.. sigh... 6.5%..

lucky i got $600 gst credit + growth dividends.. haha..

Federer hasnt won this year.

Henry is sulking at Barca.

Tiger jus lost his gland slam chance.


laughing out loud.

i wonder if i'll be cursed if i use the brand. or the curse only applies for people modelling for it.

internet access, when no calls can own time own target do watever i want.. nearly stress-free..

when i feel stressed:

can go obtain mango from the mango-bearing mango trees..



can go hunt for toads and take pictures of them..




can catch e latest episodes prison break, how i met your mother, heroes.. lol..

can watch 4 seasons for 2 and a half man..

can go gym watch tv/workout..

can watch free chingay preview..

can watch f1 on weekends..

I also play darts when i'm free... watch this video i made.. reminds me of jc.. =x




though the monitor sucks but guess i can live with it... =x




haha.. great job!

to date the funniest call i've received:


Customer: Hello.

Me: Hello IT Helpdesk.

C: Hi, is this the right place to call about courses?

M: May I know what courses you are enquiring about?


watch this...

C: Do you have any Mahjong courses for beginners?


M: Burst out laughing silently.......




Yes mdm, we also conduct courses for blackjack, poker, roulette, loan sharking, drug trafficking and abusing..


M: Have a nice day.

SMRT wins international award for "Best Passenger Experience"
Posted: 08 April 2008 1528 hrs

SINGAPORE: Transport operator SMRT has clinched the "Best Passenger Experience" award at the inaugural Metro Awards 2008 in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Metro Awards is part of MetroRail, an annual conference of the urban rail industry worldwide which met from 1 to 3 April this year.

Other finalists of the "Best Passenger Experience" award included Copenhagen Metro, MTR Corporation Limited (Hong Kong) and The Warsaw Metro Ltd.

They were judged on factors such as value for money, efficiency and reliability, as well as cleanliness and security.

SMRT said the international award for service excellence came shortly after it won the "Most Customer-Friendly Transport" award, presented by Singapore's Land Transport Authority.


- CNA/

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/340087/1/.html


UNTIL YOU SEE THIS

http://www.terrapinn.com/2008/metroaward/index.stm


the media portrayed it as if SMRT was SOOO good and tat it beat Copenhagen Metro, MTR Corporation Limited (Hong Kong) and The Warsaw Metro Ltd ..


exposed! look at which metro won the best category... OMG at the propaganda of our media...

this spastic caller, called today..

i could recognise his voice.. called b4..


he wanted to look for jeet kune do course...

never heard of it.. now b4 u go google, make a guess..

WAT THE HELL IS JEET KUNE DO?

turns out its bruce lee martial art or some shit related..



so ya anyways, the course is over! period. OVER.

caller doesnt get it. OVER is not a word in his dictionary.


INSISTS on knowing when the next course is. well done. start to piss me off..

when i finally explained the meaning of OVER and NEVER GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN, he asked me to check in a few years, no kidding, to check in a few years and get back to him... (he din even think of suggesting weeks or months)

AND NO, there was no sarcarsm at all.. he really meant it.. he really wanted me to check in a few years time and get back to him...


either that guy is a nutcase, or he's mad.


i cant think of any other logical explanation. water has started to enter lungs.. i'm going to die of pneumothorax...

no no no wait... dumbness has entered my lungs..

I'm dying of dumbothorax...


jus great!

i just came across the dumbest idiot ever..

let's call the customer Dumbest IDIOT in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD who DOESNT KNOW HOW to USE a SEARCH ENGINE (DIWWWDKHUSE)


ok so DIWWWDKHUSE called the hotline asking for help bcuz she saw some courses in a magazine den want to find the exact courses details..

i cannot believe someone is dumb enough to expect the list on the first page of the website..


anyway, i spent 10 mins trying to tell her how to use the search box (yes.. TAT DUMB!).. she claimed she keyed in the correct keywords but apparently not! until i told her to clear the search box and retype..


which idiot will, when searching for something, click on the SEARCH GUIDE link instead of the search button..

Thats how dumb DIWWWDKHUSE is..


best part coming right up..


when she saw the results, she said that the courses are not exactly like wat she saw in the magazine and din even bother to click on page 2.. the results on page 2 had wat she wanted..

she jus said i go my ____(Place where courses are held)____ to check and hung up...


WTH!! hey dumb ass, next time jus go there n ask can? dun waste my time and ur time to call the helpdesk if u're so dumb.. maybe u need to call a helpdesk that teaches people how to use a helpdesk...



dumb dumb dumb...



how are we expected to provide good service when the customers are so dumb?

save me.. i'm getting flooded by calls from dumb idiots...

i'....m ... ddddrrrrroooowwwwnnnniiinnngggg.....

Either u boycott the Games bcuz of Tibet, or u go there and enjoy the smog.

Take your pick!

Do you want to cross the yellow line (die)?

Vote for your favourite MRT barrier.







Smile! Its been a tough day!